Unfortunately, though, there are not always super heroes to stop the bad guys in real life. Some times, bad people get away with doing bad things and live life without guilt or consequences and the victims are left broken with no justice.
So this blog is for everyone who didn't have Superman swoop in just before the bad guy got to them and are left wondering how to move past an injustice.
For years I've been holding onto a secret that I pushed way way waaaayyyy down that even I couldn't hardly find it. I knew it was there, but that was all. I told a few people when I felt I needed to, but I avoided it the rest of the time. It wasn't until about a year and a half ago I actually brought it to light for myself and started to really process everything and allowed myself to feel the emotions that came along with it. I never thought I'd ever really come out and say what happened and talk about how it's effected me, but that's just it, no one is talking about things like this. No one is coming out and saying how painful it is and how it seriously effects a person's life and stays with them for years and years. I think it's time someone spoke up, took a stand, made a difference, and shed some light on this topic.
When I was 13 there was this guy. I thought he liked me. I was wrong. Long story short, he molested me.
I confronted him, he told me I was wrong, said I was lying. At 13 it made me feel so confused, I thought that if I said anything everyone would just believe him and call me crazy. At 13 I was in no way ready to face that and let that fear win and I kept quiet.
After that, this person was still in my life until I was about 21. He had heard about a new job I got and asked me to use that job to further his career. He was only ever my friend when he wanted something from me. So this time I said no and he stopped talking to me. But since we were in the same industry there were times when we would have to work the same place. And for about a year I put up with it. Then I decided I would just take off the days where we would be working the same place. Until there came a day where that wasn't an option. I had to speak up. And to my surprise, the people at work I told were incredibly supportive. No one called me crazy or a liar. It felt so reassuring and uplifting!
At that time I still had no plans to go public. Not even on my radar.
Then the craziest thing happened. He tried to contact me.
He contacted my family saying he wanted to speak with me. Oh no no.
So, after making sure all my info, posts, ect, would still be private I sent him a message on Facebook simply saying to leave my family and I alone. Done deal. He said that he had changed, found God, and wanted to make things right with me. He wanted to apologize. I didn't buy it. I told him to tell me how he had changed. He gave me his life story about how he committed his life to God and made right his mistakes, was a new person, found a good supportive church, family stuff, all that good stuff.
Before I go any further, I'm all for people finding God! God is good, I love him, I've given Him my life and follow Him. I'm also all for churches and going and finding the one God wants you at. I also truly believe people can change and want to correct and make right their mistakes.
Okay, back to my story.
So I told him that if he wanted to aplogize I'd believe it but I didn't trust him to remind him of what he did. He said he could take it and just wanted to make everything right.
So I took a deep breath and told him. I felt I needed to confront him about it, get it out, find closure, and end this once and for all.
At first he was real apologetic, wanted to know how upset he was that he had done this and wanted to apologize in person. To protect myself, I said I wasn't comfortable with that and he'd have to be okay with messaging. He kept saying I had to see how sorry he was. I was more then happy with just an apology and him admitting what he did.
A few hours later though he started thinking and started begging me to keep this secret. Saying that if his family knew he'd lose them. I told him that he needed to tell them, that was his responsibility, not mine. Thus the reason I haven't said his name.
Then a couple more hours and my worst fear became reality. He denied everything. Said that after he gave it some thought he felt like I was given wrong information. Said that I knew what I was getting into. Then suggested that I need counseling. Then continued to say I was wrong, I'm lying, and I'm crazy.
I told him to never contact myself or my family in any way or form again. A part of me wishes I had called him out. A part of me agrees with how I handled everything.
I thought that chapter of my life was finally over.
But once I got thinking about it I realized that the day may never come that he actually admits to what he did. He may never feel guilt, he may never feel bad about it. There may never come a time where his life is affected by what happened. The bad guy wins.
I'm not going to lie, I was mad. So mad. It drove me crazy! Why should he get away with this?! That's not fair!! Why should he get to go through life never feeling the least bit hurt, guilty, or upset about doing that to me while I'm living with the truth?!
That's when I realized what I had.
Power.
I have the power to take revenge and force this to impact his life. A simple meeting, phone call, email. His world gets turned up-side-down.
And if I'm being honest, there have been times when I wanted that revenge. Even a couple of times when I planned on taking that revenge.
But that's not what I want. That wouldn't work exactly like i'd like and it could cause a lot of pain and damage to other people and to myself.
But I can use this story for good. I can use it to help those who are hurting have a voice. I can help others understand this pain and having to live with what happened.
So if you are reading this and you had something bad happen to you, I want you to know that you will be okay. You are going to come out stronger then before. You are going to come out of this a super hero. And if your bad guy got away, I'm so sorry. That wasn't fair and I know it hurts and can be so infuriating. But you are so much better then them. Don't let what happened define you, control you, or keep you down forever. Work through this pain. Cry, scream, break a plate, play a video game, paint, write a song about it, do something (healthy) to get out that pain and frustration, and keep doing it as long as you need to for you to work through it. If you need to talk it out go to a counselor, or find a support group. There are people out there that can help you with your specific story.
You can take this horrible thing and create a beautiful positive out of it.
I hope you can learn from my story. Don't let someone make you feel like a victim. Stand up for yourself. You are a warrior and so strong. And don't let anyone make you feel crazy for trying to speak the truth, I know it can be hard and scary, but stand by the truth and what's right. And don't take revenge. I know. You may want them to suffer. But life will catch up with them. Vengeance is mine sayeth The Lord, trust Him. If you take revenge then you are no better then them and you'll just be hurting yourself more.
And on the off chance anyone I know figures out who I am talking about, please remember what I said earlier. I am not releasing his name publicly.
